"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."
~Kurt Vonnegut

time to spend a lil time reflecting on this past year...

it is hard to believe all the changes in the past 15 months,

the past four years really, so much has happened to me

i have grown and learned...

i've learned that things keep on changing and contrary to popular belief people change as well, even this old dog has learned some new tricks. 

i've learned that life takes us places we didn't even know existed, let alone ever wanted to visit, it pushes us out the plane door with a parachute and nary a tootlelou.

sometimes life locks you out of your home and you are forced into the dark woods and you have to blaze your own trail, until the dawn comes and you look around and here you are in a new reality and  it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up, it means that you simply move on and treasure the memories. i now understand what D was trying to tell me: letting go doesn't mean giving up...it means accepting that somethings just weren't meant to be...not in this particular incarnation

growth hurts ~ i remember the leg pains from youth but that was a hangnail compared to heartache.

while sifting through my things this week, i ran across a few treasures, memories like the corners of my mind, it is true that time heals your wounds but it is up to you to stop picking the scab and let it.

i can't begin to describe the roller coaster i have been on, and i won't except to say that i have experienced  the deepest most passionate part of my life so far; from the pinnacle of ecstacy to the depths of despair and back again.

no rain ~ no rainbows 

 if you want true love, you have to risk the pain of rejection.  i thought i had experienced heartache before in my life but nothing touched the wretched suffering i put myself through.

was it worth it?

one never knows.

but i do know i would do it all again to be where i am today

and i am glad i made it through the rain {typoon}so i could climb the mountain{volcano}and swim  through the shark infested waters to arrive on the shore of this better place, where i found myself again and  the ability to trust and love again.

 i try hard to live my life without regrets.

 i am acutely aware that i can only appreciate light because i have been in darkness, and warmth because i have been cold and by the same token i can truly experience joy because i have known sadness.

looking back i realize that my mistakes were my greatest teachers, without them what would shape our lives? maybe, if we never veered off course, we wouldn't  fall in love, or have babies, or even be who we are...my life improved when i took chances.

the most difficult risk that i ever took was to be honest with myself., i had painted myself into a corner by telling myself that i was only this or  that. ~  it was a huge leap to turn and face the room and stride confidently across that painted floor; i had  long prayed for wings and rescue but all i needed was courage and a reason.

i can confidently say that the hardest part of life  isn't finding out what i need to be, it is being content with who i am.

and so here i sit, back where i started in many ways

 but now i know

everything i want is out there waiting for me to ask, everything i want also wants me~all i have to do is go get it.

Life is Good

i've learned to try to laugh at whatever life brings because  when i look down, i just miss all the good stuff,  and when i look up i just trip over things. hahahaha

i refuse to take life too seriously

no one is getting out alive, might as well have a good time

xoxoxoxoxoxox

And life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.
-- Grandma Moses